Man Marries Horse In California, Press Is Shocked.

Same-sex, different-genus couple waited decades

 

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STUDIO CITY, LOS ANGELES

The entertainment world is reeling after one-time TV personalities Wilbur Post and Mister Ed announced their marriage this past weekend at a press conference. “After 40 years in a committed, loving relationship, Mister Ed and I decided it was time to tie the lariat” said Mr. Post to the stunned reporters.

Mister Ed withheld comment.

The aging actor and his gelding companion have been living together for decades, chosing to keep their relationship private. After Judge Vaughn overturned Proposition Eight in federal court last summer,  the interspecies couple decided it was time to come out of the stall. “And the Proposition didn’t say anything about animals, did It?” winked Mr. Post.

Long-time TV friends, Lassie and Timmy, stood to the side as the human-equine couple shared the news.

 

Lassie-and-timmy

Timmy told reporters that he and Lassie hoped to marry some day as well, but they were shopping for better health care first. “Many providers cover domestic partners, but we can’t find one that covers worms.”

 

Related news: Hollywood’s preeminent orifice, Perez Hilton, is gushing about the rumor of a Golden Girls  group wedding next month. “A lesbian, polyamorous and necrophilic marriage! No one in Hollywood has one of those. Ooooo! Leave it to Betty to round out her FANTASTIC 2010!”

 

9 Ways To Annoy Your Adult Children

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The nest is nearly empty and they’re out on their own. How then, can a parent properly embarrass their adult children? Here’s nine new e-ways to reach out and annoy!

Social media took off first with the “Look At Me!” generation. They post their pictures and postures, and their banter and blather. Well, YOU, Mr and Mrs Boomer Parent can use these new tools, too.  Turn “Look At Me!”  into “Look At Them!”

 

Tpain

  1. There’s an iPhone voice-changer app called called ‘I am T-Pain.’ T-Pain  is the hip-hop performer who distorts his voice in the music your kids know. Well, YOU can use this app to distort YOUR voice in helpful phrases like “Your Tires Look Low” “I Was Married At Your Age ”  “Are You Seeing Anyone Yet?” and “How Much Did That Cost?” Save the recordings as ringtones, attach to e-mails or post on FaceBook.

    Bobbies

  2. Pictures! You have them, from the dawn of time. Post to Flickr. Make a SkinIt for your laptop. Or, post to FaceBook.
  3. Remind them how much you had done by their age, even if it’s only partially true.
  4. Practice your Funny Walks. Remember when they were little how they used to burst into fits of giggles when you did this at church? They still react if you do this out in public (malls, golf courses, restaurants and, yes, church). I’m pretty sure you won’t see giggles.
  5. Bone up on John Mayer. He’s a scrawny guy that twentysomethings either love or hate. But they will all cringe when you start singing a Mayer song. Extra credit if you wear your hair like him, if you have enough, that is.
  6. Post kid vids on Youtube. Share on Facebook
  7. ElfYourself! This is like 2. and 6. Crop and edit a few family faces. Upload and viola!
  8. Talk to them in hip-hop. This is Advanced Annoyance. It may require listening to this dreck, if you can stand it. Practice. Practice. Practice. Understand you’ll probably never attain this level of annoyance.
  9. Power Rangers & Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sure, they now watch ‘Transformers’ and ‘Transformers 2’ on the big screen, but you still have the action figures and pajamas. Decorate your house with the little plastic figurines. Or, whip them out at weddings or meet-the-future-child-in-law events.

My mother tells a story about the day when she went to meet my father’s parents for the first time at a home dinner. My young father had pleaded with his dad, a practical joker, to PLEASE behave himself. All through the evening things went well. When my grandmother brought the food to the table, my grandfather removed his teeth and set them aside his plate where his future daughter-in-law could see them. Dad was mortified.

Mom and Dad still married of course. And laugh about it to this day. See? It’s really a gift. They just don’t appreciate it at the time.

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Type A Short Summary Of Your Day Without Looking At The Keyboard

 

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Can you type without looking at the keyboard?

05:55 AM

I slept in to 430 tgus mirning. Fed the tigers the lasr of the antelope meat. Finished off the invites to tomrrows dinner party (note to self: get extra-wude chair for Michele, more grenadine for Rahm and birdseed for Deepak)> Hope I remember to keep the anchovies awar from BO his breath made the flowers wilt lasttime.

Need to varnish the dtapes. Meeying David for lunch at Central Parj, the poor schmuck has been futzing aorunf again. No holding Jay bacj this time, I’ll twll him!! Maybe Marthe wil show up with her new pets:those purse chupmucnks.

Later I’ll finish my truptick, tighten up my face and teach some geezers how to twitter. OMF!! Didi tell oyu mu FATHER is on Facebook??< His FB wheel is already biger thn mine!

(I slept in to 4:30 this morning. I had a nice breakfast of yogurt and fruit. I am looking forward to a big day today!)

 

10:29 AM

Back from gym, had to reduce the number of plates in mt ine-armed bnch press. (good advuce, Arnold)

Hanny called, told me that Glenn and Rish are dating againm. But not to tell Bill Majer cayse he get s so jealsoie. And please to get bill to a colorist asap, the mans is fadiung to grey befire out eyes,

Had tome to a;pha test my nrw augmented real;ty app. It’s finging fast foood wwhn drinving the care. Notso good – it crashed, even the app.

Telecommiunting this fay. Doggies won’t leace me alone – want to play and give mekisses.

(Good early morning workout. Working from home today)

 

14:20 PM

Preparing a preso for the noard nexy weej Should be easy — I lll jst use mmy stiuff from Davos. Bill wanteda cpy but I just gave hjim a pps version – can’t trust thie guy; he steals ecveryones stuff

Gaga told me that Imaniutjob is really  JEWISH! Mazeltov, baby! She/s stopping nu later for help with her gance moves for SNL. I jeep telling her to het rid othose heels. You go girlefriend! Oy.

Dogs wopmt  leacve me alone, Better let them out. .

(Finished my presentation)

 

21:00 PM

whoa who madw  these cosompolirans! They are prerry  strong. Won’r wake up tomorrow. Or O will, but with a headache.

Took the missius dancinf this week. Techno, of course. We wore our spandex corsets and fishnets. Let Gaga go – she was so emnfasssing! Kept tajing her wig off an adjusting her jock  strap.

Bed time kiddso! Big day tomorrow. BO is pretty down. Ill make dure we bring plam fronds for tomrrows party. Tahts going to sgeer him up!

(Wrapped up my project. Quiet evening at home.  Pooped —  to bed early.)