Why you’re feeling crabby today

Yawn

Courtesy Arthemia

 

Let me get this straight: I must get up an hour early, drive to work in the dark, change all my clocks, deal with tired co-workers and possibly miss an international phone call tomorrow,  all so you can walk your dog at 8:00 PM in July? I will feel tired for a week. Why must I upset my routine so you morning slackers can hang out late? Can’t you just get up an hour earlier and leave the rest of us alone?

Daylight Saving Time is the stupid brainchild of goofball productivity maven, George Vernon Hudson. Hudson wanted to get home from his day job in time so he could enjoy some etymological field work before bed. That’s right, we’re all inconvenienced because this man wanted to collect bugs after dinner.

All sorts of busybodies had ideas about how we should be spending our summer evenings. Woodrow Wilson thought you should be golfing late as he preferred to do. Idaho congressmen think you’ll eat more French fries. Charcoal companies want you to make more evening burgers. Environmentalists honestly think you will be saving electricity. The government is more than happy to help them. Big Brother sets your bedtime: he tells you when to get up and when to go to bed.

Millions of people truly believe they are ‘gaining’ an hour of summer evening and an hour of sleep in the winter. We’ll be healthier, save energy and drive more carefully! Yet  actual energy savings promised have never materialized; our health is at risk; and you may have a car accident the day after you set your clock. We haven’t ‘gained’ anything other than inconvenience. We’ve ‘lost’ a good bit in the balance. Meddling in that most private of activities, when we set our heads to our pillows, is just so galling.

 

399px-willett_memorial

WIlliam Willett, a meddler who knew how you should be spending your time, is buried near London. I encourage everyone to visit his memorial and urinate on it.

 

If you work with people in other countries, you know that DST goes into effect on different dates in the spring and fall. Try to plan a simulcast with England, the US and Brazil. Equatorial countries have no need of DST. Even some US states wisely self-removed themselves from  time-shifting. Yes, yes, software can solve this, but it really doesn’t: you must check a world-clock each time you place an international call.

Quick! What time is it in Pretoria right now? Are they on DST? See? You didn’t know.

Lloyd-harold-clock

Harold Lloyd, was happy to change his clocks twice a year.

 

There really is only one time. I call this “Now.” There is only one clock and it ticks in Greenwich, UK. Why not  use the exact same time, GMT, everywhere? When the clock says it is 08:00 in the UK, why couldn’t it also be 08:00 in Rio, Los Angeles, Kyoto and Bangalore?

Logic won’t sway the meddlesome do-gooders in government. They know how you should be spending your time (and money). But hey, I have a better idea: how about Calendar Saving Time (CST)? I live in a place with seven months of miserable winter. If I were Emperor of the Northern Latitudes, I would decree that everyone flips their calendar forward one month at the end of December, and backwards at the end of July. Think about it — no Januaries and two Julys. Makes sense to me.

You would get used to it.

 

 

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