This Place is Too Cold For Hell




‘Winter Night’ (Mucha, 1920)


Winter is the dominant season Minnesota. Allow me to prove it:

  • January-February are ‘Deep Winter,‘ a time when you pray for days above 10F. Cars scream when started. Skin splits. Static arcs across a room.
  • March is ‘Normal Winter,’ a mild season people in semi-tropical places like New Jersey would call ‘Winter.’
  • April is Post-Winter, a period of gentle blizzards.
  • May-June are ‘Spring.’
  • July is ‘Summer.
  • August-September are known here as ‘Autumn.’
  • October is ‘Pre-Winter,’ a period like Post-Winter when King Boreas shakes a few flakes on our heads.
  • And November-December is ‘Winter We Like Because It Is Christmas Time.’

That’s SEVEN months of Winter! Most of the year is cold and crappy in Minnesota.


What the hell am I doing here?



Our five-day forecast. This is called “normal.” Ugh



“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”

— Bill Watterson





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