Gen Y Will Make It To Middle Age, But What Will They Look Like?




Hand it to The Onion, they nailed another parody. This time the Twentysomethings were in their sights. Like all ascendant generations, Gen Y cannot see itself in decline. If you live in the Now, you cannot see the Tomorrow. Yes, there is a Tomorrow and they’re going to turn into  their parents, only in a discolored, mutilated sort of way.

 Those tattoos? They will turn into shriveled dark green, blotches that will head inches south when they’re fifty. The piercings? Sorry, those holes won’t close up. Their eyebrows will still look like a shower curtain, but a really wrinkled one. Emo hair? Just ask yourself how ‘Emo’ it will be when the hairline arches from ear-to-ear. Jason Mraz will be be an ‘oldies’ performer at Branson and they will pay big money to see him.

I just hope to be around to see this magazine cover in thirty years’ time, for surely it will happen. Popular culture will bend to the norms of the prosperous generation, which will be  you, Team Gen Y. You will be the Boomers of 2040!

If I’m still alive, I’ll be in the Check-out Generation, ready to flit the mortal coil. But I’ll still wag my finger at you when you visit me in the raisin ranch. “I told you so!”


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