Last week I went to Orlando to attend a five-day IBM conference called ‘Lotusphere.’ Every year it is hosted at the Disney World Dolphin hotel. I had the chance to visit some of the on-site Disney theme parks at night after the conference.
I’ll be honest and tell you I really don’t like Disney things anymore. As an adult I can’t find anything here appealing. What I DO find interesting are their pop cultural clues and what hints they may offer about Americana. I am also perplexed by the allure All Things Disney holds for adults, including those from other countries who flock here in the millions. It’s obvious that Disney World is really for adults.
It’s a highly-engineered, primary-colored, plasticine sort of place. I’m in awe at the level of control Disney Incorporated has on the human perception. Heck, they even know how to alter the laws of universe: big things are made small; sound travels in unnatural ways and invisible strings move the inanimate in near-lifelike ways.


I’ve been to a few of the world’s genuine treasures. I’ve seen the Great Pyramid, the remains of The Temple Of Aphrodite and Angkor Wat. It sounds weird, but I can imagine future anthropologists scratching their heads when they unearth Disney World. As they scrape away the soil with their little brushes, what would they assume about The Dysnie People?


The ‘Art’ Gallery in Downtown Disney

Here are the miniatures of the Dysnie Pantheon. Notice the many incarnations of the god M’key in this parody display. He’s served by the pantless chimera, Duck. Note the four fingers. All Dynsie gods are limited to four digits.  To the right is a statuette of a heavenly dancer.


Dysnie demons



This is a Virgin Princess. Her spirit is dedicated to ashes. Worshipers implored her with the chant “Bippity Bobbity Boo.” We’ve measured her waist at ten inches. This was a common trait for females of the Dysnie people.


‘Downtown Disney’

This the exit from the Via Plastica market called the ‘Cloaca Maxima.’ The Dysnie People often traded in highly-valued plastic figurines of the gods. We think they called this ‘kitsch.’


A serpent guards the entrance to the Via Plastica


Sordid Magnets

Dysnie citizens traded their childrens’ wealth for ‘kitsch.’ Seen here are highly valuable figurines they affixed to their home altars. This is a good example of projection.



Dysnie high priests dragged slaves to visit the tomb of their god-queen Judi Dench, often forcing them to wait in long, long lines for hours in the hot Florida sun. There are other temples in the Epcot Temple Complex, each dedicated to minor gods (Ellen The Degenerate, Tom Hankie and Gary Sneeze, to name a few)


‘Cast Members’

Dysnie slaves, also called ‘Cast Members,’ were forced to wear humiliating clothes.



A Singing Bush

All about the Dysnie temple complex and priest resorts are ‘singing bushes.’ They play glisando and other noises (‘harmonica,’ ‘banjo’…) at all hours, at all locations. We are not sure of the purpose of these plants. Our field crew must wear hearing protection if they are working for long periods near them.



Yours truly


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